Independence

Ryan’s gone off for his monthly stay at respite, or as he calls it his holiday! Not only is this a break for us and Noah, it’s a great break for Ryan, increasing his independence and spending time with other people who aren’t family.

We recently had a visit from a transition enablement worker, basically someone who helps with the transition from child services to adult services, it seems crazy that at nearly 15 we start this process, but it is meant to help the process be a lot smoother. When we were going through the transition pack she mentioned have you thought about Ryan living as independent as possible with carers. Apparently when he turns 18 we can put him on a list to be matched with other people with similar interests and needs, and they are placed together in a suitable house with carers. It’s a very slow progress for this to happen but it really got me thinking about his future and independence.

With Noah I know that when he turns 18 he may want to go to university and move away from home, or get a job and move out on his own at some point, which would be hard but he has to make his own decisions about what he wants to do with his life and we have to support him.

With Ryan it’s so different. We will have to make these decisions for him as best we can but at 18/19 I wouldn’t be ready for him to leave us. That may sound selfish to some people, but apart from 3 nights at respite a month Ryan is with us the rest of the time. Letting someone else take responsibility for all aspects of his needs absolutely terrifies me, how do you trust someone else to look after him properly, would Ryan feel comfortable living away from us?

I know this is the next natural step when you have children, they grow up and go off to life there life, I will worry about Noah going off and doing his own thing but it’s a different kind of worry.

How do you know when is the right time to let go? How do you know you are doing the right thing? What age is the most appropriate time for Ryan to leave home? I want Ryan to have an independent life but at the same time I want to keep him with us, where I know he is happy and safe. I know though this isn’t fair on him and he deserves to have opportunities in life just like Noah. I guess in the next few years Kristian and I have a lot to think about and decisions to make and I can only hope we make the right ones.

Mostly what I want in life for my boys is for them to be happy, healthy and loved and I will do anything to make sure they are 💙💙